10 reasons why s'porean guys r doin their NS - Neil Humphreys

Haha...Neil Humphreys is so funny. Having read 2 of his books - 'Scribbles from the same island" & "Notes from an even smaller island", I came across this column he wrote about - 10 reasons why Singapore men are doing their national service..hehe. Read on...

(1) They get to go to clubs like SAFRA. Ang Mos have to pay to use such facilities at clubs and its bloody expensive.

(2) They get a break from their parents. I (Neil) travelled 10,000 km when I was 21 to get away from my parents and, to be honest, it's still not far enough.

(3) If they go to overseas universities, they can impress the western women. My old Singaporean mate Dave used to delight the young girls of Manchester University with his heroic tales of NS. You'd think he was George of the Jungle. The predator of Pulau Tekong. But I know an injury meant he spent most of this time being Dave of the Office. But the girls still loved him. They saw an officer and a gentleman from Asia. I saw a sotong from Singapore..

(4) NSmen are slightly more mature when they go to university. When they westerners go to university at 18, they get drunk and fall over. When Singaporeans go to university in their 20s, they get drunk and fall over. But they don't vomit so much.

(5) They can appreciate the lame jokes in the Singaporean NS movie "Army Daze"

(6) They have foolproof diet plan. Sweaty clothes, boots, helmet, humid, hot jungle, regular meals and plenty of exercise - the perfect weight-loss diet. All those draft ads in the newspapers about losing weight in 30 days and taking magic pills that lose weight but damage your liver are a waste of time. The military should see NS to men and women. Take out full page ads that say: "Lose weight in three months with the perfect diet - it's called basic military training.

(7) Whenever they watch a Hollywood blockbuster that has anything remotely connected to the military (Pearl Harbour, Blacl Hawk Down etc) they can bore the person next to them (usually me) about all the gun specifications and military drills involved in the movie.

(8) They can humble non-NSmen and impress women with all their "crocodile hunter" talk. mention any wild animal to an NSman and he has invariably seen one, caught one, wrestled one and ate one during his night watch in the jungle. Just say the word snake and they'll cry: "Aiyoh, in NS got a black-spitting cobra in the camp one time. Damn fierce one. i only had a stick (don't they have real weapons in NS?) and had to poke it and push it into drain. Had to fight with my bare hands. But was damn shiok. Because after we had snake soup, which is good for erectile dysfunction."

(9) They get free suntan and free haircuts. In Toa Payoh, it is a 10-minute haircut, S$10. In NS, it is 10-minute haircut, botak, free.

(10) Like in the movie An Officer and A Gentlemen, the get to huny for women at the weekends, which is a whole different ball game when you havent seen any women for a week and you've only monitor lizards for company. The NS boys know what I'm talking about. They are like wild animals during the mating season at Zouk on Saturday night. They need more than a cold shower when they go back on Sunday night. They need an ice box and a welding kit.

Hehe...boys.....are you laughing now or keeping quiet coz you are guilty? =)